Dreaded December

Lately I’ve had trouble writing. Usually ideas pester me for days {and nights!} until I write them down, capture those little suckers and turn them into poetry or stories, or both. For the last few weeks I’ve barely managed a good haiku or two. My mind has been full of birthdays and my cat’s arthritis and perfecting the art of housework avoidance. Now Dreaded December is only minutes away and I’m hanging on tightly to November.


“Don’t leave me oh beautiful November full of birthdays and sunshine and time!! “

The 1st of December laughs cruelly, “Mwah ha ha ha ha! Only three weeks till Christmas!! Please….step into my December Parlour where time flies as fast as the speed of light, the sun beats down relentlessly and the storms….Oh the storms…..destroy everything in their path. I am glorious December full of humidity and shopping and crowds and stodgy English meals and ……..visitors!! Mwah ha ha ha ha!!”

I sink to my knees and sob!


Today I bought a small plastic Christmas tree. Hopefully it will fit in the smaller gap next to the two-person sofa, which has replaced the one-person chair, with a larger gap. Tomorrow I shall put up this tree, bake the Christmas cake and begin on my Christmas letters and cards. For I know that these stories and poems, all my crazy ideas, are waiting for December to leave before they come out to play again. They do not thrive on stress, so the quicker I move through December, the faster they shall return.


If I had a Time Machine, or was good friends with an incarnation of The Doctor, then I could wake up tomorrow and it would be January the 1st of next year. I would have a brand new notebook and pen, my ideas would be back from their holiday and I wouldn’t be writing rubbish about sentient months and Christmas stress. Oh well, I suppose ideas do need a holiday every now and then to keep themselves fresh and I need to make contact with the outside world occasionally. If only December wasn’t so …………Dreadfully Decemberish!!



Copyright Dec 2014

The Taking of the Annual Cat Christmas Photo

Advent Poems Day Eighteen


Miaowy Christmas from Amber


She stares at the camera

Somehow she knows that the flash

Will reflect the back of her eyes

Ruining each photograph taken

So she stares at the camera

Daring me to take another shot


This year she sits on the stuffed dog

Bought in a brief fit of Xmas cheer

Cheaply made in a Chinese factory

Signifying everything commercial

And monetarily connected


As she stares at the camera

I snap shot after shot after shot

All exactly the same as the last

Green alien eyes glowing

Santa’s cat gone mad


A sudden snap of fingers

Makes her look to the side

A quick snap of the camera

A frenzied snap of my brain

At last I have the perfect shot



The taking of the Annual Cat Christmas Photo

Is done



Copyright December 2013






Tourist Season



Barriers move and stretch and sometimes snap

As more and more is stuffed in

Willy Nilly

Don’t be silly

They pays their money


Little metal boxes on wheels

Multiply under the summer sun

Heads nailed on tight

As Bing sings in air conditioned white

And the native species fight

For parking spaces


The whole world swells

A bulge, a press, a stress

Such a heat stroked mess

BUT they pays their money


Copyright November 2013

The Tinsel Fairy Saves Christmas

This was The Tinsel Fairy’s first year working at the North Pole. She wasn’t enjoying it very much. Santa Claus was an old sot who liked to bully the elves and fairies. They worked from January 1st to December 24th. They were only allowed a week off because Santa typically went on a bender and Mrs. Claus got rid of them all to enjoy a week of peace and quiet before hell began again.

One December 23rd Santa Claus drank more than usual. Took the reindeer and sleigh out for a joyride and inevitably crashed. He lay in a coma. All of the reindeer, including Rudolph, died.

Mrs. Claus took charge. She knew what to do, after all she’d been organising the North Pole and Christmas for years. Santa just claimed all the glory.

On December 24th Mrs. Claus donned the suit, harnessed the juvenile reindeer and with the help of the elves, loaded the sleigh. Up till then she hadn’t thought of visibility. Without Rudolph’s shiny nose they would not be able to see.  The Tinsel Fairy had a brainwave. She fastened tinsel around all the reindeer and the sleigh. The light reflected off the moon and the stars onto the tinsel which lit up like a dozen Rudolph noses. Christmas was a success.

Mrs. Claus appointed The Tinsel Fairy as Union Rep. She negotiated better conditions for all elves and fairies. The North Pole became a happy place to work, as long as Santa remained in a coma, which Mrs. Claus ensured he did.

Copyright April 2013