In order to make jelly you need gelatine. To extract the gelatine you need to boil bones and animal hooves. This was a messy business. Ivan looked down out of his tower window onto what he considered to be a scene of madness. Unnecessary. He didn’t even want jelly for the party. He didn’t want the party. In fact he was beginning to believe he didn’t want Rachel either. He sighed as he sat back in his chair. Perhaps his mother was right it was time for him to grow up, to stop being so impulsive.  He was 784 years old and still turning pretty girls because he fancied them. Rachel had been a huge mistake. The last in a long line of mistakes which needed to be rectified. He swore then and there that he would never turn a living soul again.

Ivan and his mother sat in state upon silver thrones greeting their guests as they arrived. Even vampires normally filled with ennui were overawed by the rich furnishings, the scrumptious wines and the sweetness of the humans on offer.

Rachel made an entrance, only an hour fashionably late. She wore a dress of the finest cobweb. Everyone sang, “Hip Hip Hooray!! You’re a vampire today!!!” Ivan called for quiet as he toasted his “child” with a bloody cocktail. Then he signalled that it was time for the centrepiece de resistance. The massive blood jelly bat was brought in on a huge platter carried by four sturdy men. Rachel clapped her hands in glee. Everyone was served a portion of this delicacy, Rachel having a double serving.

Ivan and his mother watched on from their thrones unnoticed in the general delight. They watched as each vampire ate their blood gelatine. They watched as each vampire’s face turned to stone. They watched each vampire implode into a pile of dust.

After ordering the mess to be cleaned up and signing a cheque to the Pope for holy water, Ivan sat in his tower enjoying the quiet. He was free. Eventually, having not eaten at the banquet, he went down to the kitchen for sustenance. There the maids were tucking into the bloody remains of the gelatine. Revolted at the thought of holy water he went out to dine.

Copyright April 2013