like the spartan boy who does not cry

even when the fox eats him alive

I nurse my pain, hide it inside

it feels so useless to explain

or even cry


as the fox gnaws at my vitals

I step outside my haven, put on a face

fake my way through yet another day

no one needs to see me cry

or try to explain



Copyright May 2017


The Pain In My Head Is As Big As The World


the pain in my head is as big as the world

it travels down my spine

settles in my coccyx

I sit on my pain


I sit on my pain

as it veers out through my hips

my thighs feel heavy and drab

and my knees ache for the past


my knees ache for the past

force this ache down to my toes

my hands reach down to my toes

I gather all pain in my hands


I gather all pain in my hands

I hold my head in my hands

my fingers ache from the sense of it all

the pain in my head is as big as the world



Copyright May 2017



I, Panic


that lump in my chest

sits brooding under my skin

a sulky little monster

tightening its grip with every scream


I struggle to take a breath


take a knife, slice through the skin

interrupt the machinations

split bones, gouge holes

stab it in the eye until release


count to three and breathe in


hold still until seven

listen as the bones knit together

feel the skin as it is sewn

roughly as the monster falls asleep


wash the blood off the knife and count to ten



Copyright May 2017


Fighting Fear


something inside me relaxes

enough to let the bats unfold

preternatural claws against my chest

ripping flesh and bone to shreds


I hang on to my dignity long enough

to seek the comfort of solitude

the moon reflects benevolence upon my bed

the bats refold their wings and sigh


they will only fly in dreams tonight

gripping tight to my unwieldy thoughts

feeding forcibly on fractured memories

tearing fears into small undigested morsels



Copyright March 2017