Taking My Autism Shopping {Jan 16th}

pee-air

I say to the shop assistant

correcting her appalling pronunciation

 

someone corrected me last week

she says

Oh. Um. That was me.

 

I think back to the lecture

not the soft ch ch ch

but the hard ker ker ker

 

she insinuates that I’m rude

as I leave the shop

barely listening

 

taking my autism shopping

 

 

Copyright January 2020

The Panic Buy

 

Simultaneously the choices are both less and more than before

Schrödinger’s cereal aisle creeps on as a chore

If I choose one will the others decompose

like next door’s cat

Or perhaps a cane toad

Flattened on the road next to a bowl and a spoon and the cow that jumped over the moon who landed on the cane toad rendering it splat

 

The panic rises from my tum to my head

I trot up and down now up and down with the trolley ahead

All the cereal packets take on an alien glow

Pick me pick me pick me oh no

Moments before I self combust

And scream eternally into the hollow dale of supermarketdom’s fantastic show

I grab a packet and flee

Having calculated the half life of oat flakes you see

 

Copyright January 2019

 

Post Steampunk Shopping

July themes

5: staring eyes/ whining cries

 

24 hr grocery shopping has been a boon for me. My daughter and I can do our shopping at 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning safe in the knowledge that most prying eyes are tucked up in bed asleep. No more will Haley have to cry when people mock her tentacles and penchant for raw fish, or question her parentage. No longer do I have to hold in my anger when really I just want to squirt the little bastards with black ink and watch them drown.

It’s difficult being a giant squid in a post steampunk world, so I’m thankful for humanity’s endless greed for money via eternal shopping.

Copyright July 2014

Aspiring Bogan

Today I pushed a trolley through Aldi

Looking down I watched my sandal clad feet

My tracksuit panted legs

My navy blue T-shirt and Avon Bling

OMG I thought

Stopping the trolley

I’m a BOGAN!

 

I took a deep breath of calm

Inhaled the scent of French perfume

That subtle aroma of Yves St. Laurent

Self satisfied and relieved I continued to shop

How could I be a Bogan?

I’m an INDIVIDUAL!

 

Smugly I placed my Bocconcini

Gorgonzola

Lustenberger

Organic tub set yoghourt

My tapas dishes in olive green with bright red trim

Jars of jalapenos

Beans both black and refried

And

Two marble and stainless steel loo brushes/holders

On the counter

 

Then I drove home

Unpacked

Watched daytime TV

In my pink fluffy slippers

Bogan??

Certainly not me

Yet

Perhaps

Aspiring??

 

Copyright May 2014